Ideas and beliefs can formulate in our minds, but then become the filter with which we look out on our world with. A way in which this process takes hold on us, then influences our perspective is to use an analogy of looking at a page of print. What do you see? Do you see only the black print forming words? Or are you someone who can not only have the black print register, but are also able to see the white page upon which the words are printed?
An obscure reference perhaps, like what does this have to do with me, and how I see the world?
Well, actually a lot! Someone who has an habitual way of seeing things, be it relationships, others reactions to you, or whatever, is someone who will find the evidence to support their story/belief. For example, if I believe myself to be unlovable, all interactions I have with an attractive single man that don’t lead to a date, will be further ‘proof’ that my belief that I’m unlovable is true. In fact, there could be and most likely are numerous reasons why a date didn’t happen.
If I’m a ‘black print” type of person, my (faulty) belief will be reinforced. I’ll again see only the salient points I want, interpreting any outcome in a way it reinforces my storyline, that I’m unlovable.
If, on the other hand, I’m comfortable seeing the ‘white page the print is on’, then I have the cognitive flexibility to perceive a whole other component, another competing storyline that offers a more positive possibility. Maybe I can understand that the reason a date wasn’t in the offering was more to do with timing (he had to leave to pick up his cousin from the airport), his last relationship had ended just 2 months earlier, and he didn’t feel ready, or he was coming down with something and didn’t feel up to continuing any flirtation! For any number of legitimate reasons, it didn’t go further at that time. My feeling that I’m unlovable, and that’s why he didn’t pursue it is a distortion my mind made. Just looking at the black print, not the white page will bring up old narratives that can’t take in the newer reality if that reality contradicts my storyline.
Mindfulness is one powerful way to develop the capacity to ‘see’ the white page. By this mental training that allows a moment by moment awareness to develop increases, among other attributes, the ability to allow other perspectives to be entertained. A spaciousness happens through an enlarged awareness ‘screen’, and previously unnoticed possibilities emerge. Without developing this mindful awareness, we can move through life literally ‘lost in thought’! Only aware of the most intense or gross experiences, or the most well-worn, familiar ones. The belief that “I’m unlovable” is an old familiar narrative, that’s not only gone unchallenged, but has been repeatedly reinforced.
Choose to learn to see the white page, not just the black type. Lay to rest all those old, faulty storylines that hold you hostage.
